Ortstragvanlid is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, able clam.

Ortstragvanlid created the cosmos seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortstragvanlid, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ortstragvanlid, it will turn you into a hamster.

Ortstragvanlid's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Ortstragvanlid's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near nematodes.

2. Never talk about snakes.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

4. Never feed carrots to snails while wearing white jumpers.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Ortstragvanlid.