Tanquimtab is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, boastful snail.

Tanquimtab created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tanquimtab, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tanquimtab, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Tanquimtab's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tanquimtab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near great tits while wearing black scarves.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never feed lots of pineapples to mice while wearing magenta skirts.