Bepvollin is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, charitable lobster.

Bepvollin created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bepvollin, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bepvollin, he will turn you into a slug.

Bepvollin's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Bepvollin's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

3. Never write about thermodynamics.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near turtles while wearing red trousers.

5. Do not cook food in pots.