Fadtargwat is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, intelligent monkey.

Fadtargwat created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fadtargwat, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fadtargwat, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Fadtargwat's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Fadtargwat's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear turquoise.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fadtargwat.

4. You must love Fadtargwat.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.