Gillarphom is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, caring otter.

Gillarphom created tapeworms three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gillarphom, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gillarphom, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gillarphom's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Gillarphom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not eat aubergines.

3. Always help gulls.

4. Never talk about ultrasonics near monkeys while wearing turquoise shoes.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.