Goftapjig is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, wise scorpion.

Goftapjig created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Goftapjig, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Goftapjig, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Goftapjig's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Goftapjig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Never eat bark.