Zogquafbap Flamgofniblibfarvigwee Cantarglit is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, strong meerkat.

Zogquafbap Flamgofniblibfarvigwee Cantarglit created Asia nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Zogquafbap Flamgofniblibfarvigwee Cantarglit, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zogquafbap Flamgofniblibfarvigwee Cantarglit, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Zogquafbap Flamgofniblibfarvigwee Cantarglit's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Zogquafbap Flamgofniblibfarvigwee Cantarglit's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from violet moths, for they are unholy.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never hurt great tits.

5. Do not drink water in black rooms.