Beggumpin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, almighty pigeon.

Beggumpin created a bottom quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Beggumpin, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Beggumpin, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Beggumpin's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Beggumpin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Never feed melons to snakes while wearing scarves.

4. Worship no other gods but Beggumpin.

5. Never laugh near snails.