Paknullcap is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, benevolent faun.

Paknullcap created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Paknullcap, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Paknullcap, he will try to impress you with trees.

Paknullcap's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Paknullcap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Paknullcap's name in vain.

2. Hide from pink mites for they are unholy.

3. Run away if nine gulls approach from the south.

4. Do not wear white clothing.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.