Lopnellmil is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, fussy chinchilla.

Lopnellmil created a Higgs boson five million years ago.

If you believe in Lopnellmil, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lopnellmil, he will be very unhappy.

Lopnellmil's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Lopnellmil's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Lopnellmil five times a day.

2. Never talk about quantum mechanics near gulls while wearing blue coats.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never go into brown rooms.