Nakpithat Sassagsitmankarveentom is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, smart finch.

Nakpithat Sassagsitmankarveentom created tapeworms eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nakpithat Sassagsitmankarveentom, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nakpithat Sassagsitmankarveentom, he will turn you into a tree.

Nakpithat Sassagsitmankarveentom's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Nakpithat Sassagsitmankarveentom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always wear purple.