Biftailnel is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, cheerful monkey.

Biftailnel created the Whirlpool Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Biftailnel, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Biftailnel, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Biftailnel's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Biftailnel's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never hop near nematodes.

4. Erect three carbon sculptures of Biftailnel on top of important buildings.

5. Run away from red dogs, for they are unholy.