Jatyarptaf Stikzancun is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, staggering jaguar.

Jatyarptaf Stikzancun created bats three million years ago.

If you believe in Jatyarptaf Stikzancun, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jatyarptaf Stikzancun, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Jatyarptaf Stikzancun's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Jatyarptaf Stikzancun's Holy Commandments

1. Put Jatyarptaf Stikzancun first in all things.

2. Foxes are not to be trusted.

3. Always obey Jatyarptaf Stikzancun's priests.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never talk about photosynthesis.