Cartammoblag is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, grumpy octopus.

Cartammoblag created the world seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cartammoblag, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cartammoblag, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Cartammoblag's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Cartammoblag's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Cartammoblag.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Cartammoblag.

3. Cartammoblag must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.