Bigbetjon is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, confident jaguar.

Bigbetjon created light two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bigbetjon, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bigbetjon, he will think nothing of it.

Bigbetjon's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Bigbetjon's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Bigbetjon on top of all buildings.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.