Dumtamcitbemquart is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, omniscient deer.

Dumtamcitbemquart created humanity two million years ago.

If you believe in Dumtamcitbemquart, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dumtamcitbemquart, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Dumtamcitbemquart's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Dumtamcitbemquart's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Dumtamcitbemquart's priests.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.