Cemtofvab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, humorless bat.

Cemtofvab created Asia five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemtofvab, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cemtofvab, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Cemtofvab's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Cemtofvab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear red clothing.

2. Hide if nine horses approach from the south.

3. Never talk about optics near monkeys while wearing indigo dresses and balancing seven nickel spheres on your arms.

4. Hide from turquoise gulls for they are unholy.

5. Never look at moons.