Jenbenzak is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, witless tapir.

Jenbenzak created bats six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jenbenzak, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jenbenzak, she will come to you in dreams.

Jenbenzak's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Jenbenzak's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Never feed garlic to tapirs while wearing shorts.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Jenbenzak.