Gabmongad is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, fussy guinea pig.

Gabmongad created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gabmongad, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gabmongad, it will remove you from existence.

Gabmongad's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Gabmongad's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention horses.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Gabmongad must be the most important thing in your life.