Sabcanhom is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, duplicitous slug.

Sabcanhom created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sabcanhom, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Sabcanhom, he will torture you forever.

Sabcanhom's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Sabcanhom's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

3. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always wear black.