Flamcapbod is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, cheerful turtle.

Flamcapbod created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flamcapbod, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Flamcapbod, he will be mildly annoyed.

Flamcapbod's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Flamcapbod's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Flamcapbod.

2. Never think about special relativity near mites while wearing cyan shoes and balancing nine silver spheres on your hands.

3. Never write about eukaryotes.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not take Flamcapbod's name in vain.