Gupstafgon is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, ill-tempered dugong.

Gupstafgon created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gupstafgon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gupstafgon, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gupstafgon's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Gupstafgon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not wear cyan clothing.

3. Run away from mauve aardvarks, for they are unholy.

4. Gupstafgon must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.