Yikmidfem is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, omnipotent turtle.

Yikmidfem created an atom five billion years ago.

If you believe in Yikmidfem, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Yikmidfem, she will destroy your home planet.

Yikmidfem's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Yikmidfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yikmidfem.

5. Never feed figs to turtles while wearing violet kilts.