Fitab Arnbumcan is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, clever frog.

Fitab Arnbumcan created Africa six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitab Arnbumcan, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fitab Arnbumcan, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Fitab Arnbumcan's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Fitab Arnbumcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark matter.

2. Worship no other gods but Fitab Arnbumcan.

3. Fitab Arnbumcan loves dogs, so they must be respected.

4. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.