Kipwadhen is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, two-faced elephant.

Kipwadhen created time and space two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipwadhen, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kipwadhen, it will boil you in a big pot.

Kipwadhen's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Kipwadhen's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Kipwadhen.

2. Hide from fawn nematodes for they are unholy.

3. Worship no other gods but Kipwadhen.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.