Zodfigpark is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, amazing swan.

Zodfigpark created an up quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zodfigpark, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Zodfigpark, it will turn you into a frog.

Zodfigpark's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Zodfigpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always help sick porpoises.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near rats while wearing mauve shorts and balancing eight gold spheres on your chest.

5. Run away from blue tortoises, for they are unholy.