Ripbadfig is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, vain duck.

Ripbadfig created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ripbadfig, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ripbadfig, it will curse you with boils.

Ripbadfig's most sacred site is Shengyou in China.

Ripbadfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Ripbadfig in the centre of the settlement.

3. Ripbadfig loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

4. Never sit near pigs.

5. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.