Lenkadjen is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, temperamental porpoise.

Lenkadjen created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lenkadjen, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lenkadjen, he will turn you into a plant.

Lenkadjen's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Lenkadjen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never go into green rooms.

4. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

5. Erect four zinc sculptures of Lenkadjen on top of important buildings.