Ortbabcun is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, contented dingo.

Ortbabcun created light six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortbabcun, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ortbabcun, it will cry a lot.

Ortbabcun's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Ortbabcun's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never talk about mites.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never eat green fruit.