Gidlabarm is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, omniscient turtle.

Gidlabarm created viruses five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gidlabarm, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gidlabarm, she will turn you into a sheep.

Gidlabarm's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Gidlabarm's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Gidlabarm.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never think about ribonucleic acid.