Hityarlwod is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, humorless clam.

Hityarlwod created a photon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hityarlwod, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hityarlwod, he will turn you into a plant.

Hityarlwod's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Hityarlwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about enzymes.

2. Do not hurt sheep.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never wear shoes.

5. Erect seven lead sculptures of Hityarlwod on top of important buildings.