Quarthitquafkap is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, passionate dingo.

Quarthitquafkap created the planet Saturn two years ago.

If you believe in Quarthitquafkap, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quarthitquafkap, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quarthitquafkap's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Quarthitquafkap's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help sharks in need.