Woncimarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, awe-inspiring spider.

Woncimarp created bats nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Woncimarp, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Woncimarp, he will turn you into a snail.

Woncimarp's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Woncimarp's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Woncimarp in the centre of the settlement.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Woncimarp.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.