Yamjanpon is a god.

It takes the form of a small, all-powerful guinea pig.

Yamjanpon created a photon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yamjanpon, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yamjanpon, it will manifest in front of you.

Yamjanpon's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Yamjanpon's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear orange.

2. Never talk about eukaryotes.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. You must love Yamjanpon.

5. Always obey Yamjanpon's priests.