Femcardut is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, charitable scorpion.

Femcardut created matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Femcardut, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Femcardut, she will jump up and down on your head.

Femcardut's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Femcardut's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Retreat if nine dolphins approach from the west.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Always obey Femcardut's priests.

5. Do not eat turnips.