Hotquartsig is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, tiresome salamander.

Hotquartsig created water four million years ago.

If you believe in Hotquartsig, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Hotquartsig, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Hotquartsig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hotquartsig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Hotquartsig in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not take Hotquartsig's name in vain.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Run away if nine foxes approach from the south.

5. Do not sing in public.