Tofvilsin Funjatxem is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, all-powerful grasshopper.

Tofvilsin Funjatxem created a bottom quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Tofvilsin Funjatxem, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tofvilsin Funjatxem, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tofvilsin Funjatxem's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Tofvilsin Funjatxem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.