Hitgovben is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, astonishing shrew.

Hitgovben created the Whirlpool Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitgovben, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hitgovben, it will turn you into a tree.

Hitgovben's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Hitgovben's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Never prepare lentils during spring.

3. Never stain your chest with green.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not utter prayers while touching gold.