Bastgesstagkap is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, confident jaguar.

Bastgesstagkap created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastgesstagkap, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bastgesstagkap, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bastgesstagkap's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bastgesstagkap's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never feed carrots to whales while wearing black hats.

3. Run away from magenta frogs, for they are unholy.

4. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never eat bark.