Gonbemlopgarbell is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, quiet dog.

Gonbemlopgarbell created a top quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonbemlopgarbell, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gonbemlopgarbell, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gonbemlopgarbell's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Gonbemlopgarbell's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never mention geese.

4. Do not eat wheat.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.