Jigquafpag is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, caring spider.

Jigquafpag created snails eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Jigquafpag, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Jigquafpag, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Jigquafpag's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Jigquafpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of moths.

2. Put Jigquafpag first in all things.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.