Teendaplak Gartitteen Kinlagsagcemmilnarlrat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, effective grasshopper.

Teendaplak Gartitteen Kinlagsagcemmilnarlrat created dark matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teendaplak Gartitteen Kinlagsagcemmilnarlrat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Teendaplak Gartitteen Kinlagsagcemmilnarlrat, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Teendaplak Gartitteen Kinlagsagcemmilnarlrat's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Teendaplak Gartitteen Kinlagsagcemmilnarlrat's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Never feed lentils to geese while wearing shorts.