Queegbugwikpon is a god.

She takes the form of a large, uncaring goose.

Queegbugwikpon created tapeworms four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegbugwikpon, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Queegbugwikpon, she will turn you into a rat.

Queegbugwikpon's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Queegbugwikpon's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry turtles.

2. Never write about dwarf planets.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Queegbugwikpon.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.