Flamyakveen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, clever troll.

Flamyakveen created the Cigar Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flamyakveen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flamyakveen, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Flamyakveen's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Flamyakveen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Flamyakveen in the centre of the settlement.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never think about gravity near birds while wearing turquoise corsets and balancing eight carbon spheres on your feet.