Femvendiss is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, stupid jaguar.

Femvendiss created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Femvendiss, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Femvendiss, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Femvendiss' most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Femvendiss' Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Femvendiss in the centre of the settlement.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always wear red.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.