Fatarmkim is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, prudent newt.

Fatarmkim created water eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatarmkim, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fatarmkim, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Fatarmkim's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Fatarmkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always make sure there are no mice in a building before entering it.

3. Never talk about spacetime.

4. Never talk about capybaras.

5. Never play with disobedient children.