Kiptabgeb Dossyattpan is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, selfish dryad.

Kiptabgeb Dossyattpan created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kiptabgeb Dossyattpan, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kiptabgeb Dossyattpan, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Kiptabgeb Dossyattpan's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Kiptabgeb Dossyattpan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near foxes while wearing indigo dresses and balancing four carbon spheres on your back.

2. Never feed beans to ants while wearing shirts.

3. Feed all hungry goats.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Hide if five great tits approach from the east.