Sawbatnurt is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, all-knowing yak.

Sawbatnurt created dark matter four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sawbatnurt, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sawbatnurt, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Sawbatnurt's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Sawbatnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to bats while wearing white shoes.

2. Do not take Sawbatnurt's name in vain.

3. Always obey Sawbatnurt's priests.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never paint your face orange.