Jiprak is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, merciful unicorn.

Jiprak created the Sombrero Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jiprak, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jiprak, she will jump up and down on your head.

Jiprak's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Jiprak's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in holy places.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.

5. Put Jiprak first in all things.