Konlindab is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, calm jaguar.

Konlindab created tapeworms four million years ago.

If you believe in Konlindab, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Konlindab, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Konlindab's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Konlindab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Konlindab in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never paint your hands brown.

4. Do not take Konlindab's name in vain.

5. Run away if eight voles approach from the south.