Jiptailsafdab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, emotional bear.

Jiptailsafdab created Africa six million years ago.

If you believe in Jiptailsafdab, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jiptailsafdab, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Jiptailsafdab's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Jiptailsafdab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about coconuts.

2. Jiptailsafdab loves whales, so they must be honoured.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never feed wheat to badgers while wearing jumpers.

5. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Jiptailsafdab in the centre of the settlement.